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Hi Everyone, My Name Is…

Hi everyone, my name is {Name Withheld} …I am a thirty one year old “grateful” recovering alcoholic. I put grateful in quotes because that’s how I live day to day…I stay grateful!!!!

I grew up in Massachusetts, I had a great childhood, a great family, dog, bike, etc…I spent my winters skiing in the Mountains and my summer camping there too. As you see I left out school.  I never got into school and school never got into me.  I always wanted to do things my way “my will”.  I had issues with kids in school who didn’t? That wasn’t the root cause of my problems.  I was a happy go lucky pot smoker up until my mother was diagnosed with mental disorders. My family fell apart. The one thing that was always constant in my life was gone. Here’s when the shit really hit the fan. For those who know me I’m sorry for the language it’s in my native tongue (Boston).

Happy go lucky went right out the window, and in flew a breeze of sadness and loneliness I wish upon no one.  Here’s when alcohol and “self will run riot” really kicked into high gear.  I clung on to anything, everything, and everyone I could. Not the brightest of my ideas. Here I became fixed on other people’s lives, their accomplishments, their defeats and I would drink to them.  Always afraid to look at my “self” and what I was doing, most importantly what I wasn’t doing.  I clung on to friends/girlfriends families for dear life only trying to find what I had lost. Keep in mind that I still had a loving supporting father who to this day has been there for me through porter and pilsner (thick and thin). Sorry for the pun but alcohol runs in my veins it always will, the minute I forget that I will return to my “self will riot” or death. See I drank myself into a cesspool of “self” pity, “self”-destruction, I keep putting “self” in quotes because that’s how I ran my life. Me Me Me…

Hotline at Recovery First

Over the course of seventeen years there are plenty of war stories that I can share with you in hopes to have someone new reading this relate to my story but that’s not my style. Relate to this I am a blackout drinker.  Relate? good keep reading…..

I found Recovery First while swimming in the deep end of desperation. My life was over! I woke up in the ICU with all sorts of tubes and machines surrounding me…This was the END.  I had no more fight left in me. I couldn’t drive this Mack Truck of destruction anymore. I spent three days talking to people in Detox about further treatment. Someone suggested Florida. I was weary at first considering I had lived in Sarasota for three years only to find a much deeper cesspool there. But after considering my other options…Wait what options? Death/Jail. Yea I’m all set… So to the phone I went.  I spent two days trying to get a hold of a treatment center. Anyone who’s been in a Detox that shares three phones between thirty people knows how aggravating it can be trying to get any sort of business done on the phone… I say business because that’s what this is, recovery is my business, it’s a job and every day I go to work…It instills a sense of retirement. Which to me retirement means peace. Peace of mind, body, and soul. Somewhere I feel comfortable with me, for the rest of my life…

 The urgency of this awaiting phone call from somewhere that could help me was overwhelming… The phone rang and I sprung up as it was Christmas morning and I as 5 years old waiting to see what Santa had brought me the night before.  I remember the sense of calm I got when this sweet voice said “Is this Chris?” I replied “Yes did you find me a place” she said “I am the place” CALM, SECURITY, these things I felt.  There was light at the end of the tunnel… We spoke for a while and she spoke with my father who by the grace of god was still in my life and willing to help me. I was on a plane the next day.  I did not know where I was going but that was the last thing on my mind. I was getting help. Funny I came into Recovery First with a surrendering attitude until my disease woke up there.  My disease fought daily for weeks. I apologize to all the staff for having to put up with my disease. It wasn’t until “I” took control of “ME” pushing away my disease to let people help me that I realized how much easier it is to live life than to fight it. I spent over a hundred and twenty days at Recovery First and I do not regret one second of those days.  This program saved my life, the people here took me in with open arms and changed who I was into whom god intended me to be. For anyone reading this who may have just come to Recovery First.  The longer you fight the less help you will allow yourself to get; you may not have the chance to get four months of treatment like I did. It’s your life you have choices…The choices we make define who we are…

In closing I wish all who read this the same sense of serenity and love that this program has given me….

And know that there is light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark it may be right now, there’s always light…

God bless

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